How to Handle Unsolicited Advice During Pregnancy and Postpartum
There’s something about being pregnant—or parenting a newborn—that makes people lose their filter. Suddenly, everyone feels entitled to weigh in on your body, your baby, your plans, and your mindset.
Whether it’s your mom, your coworker, or a complete stranger in the grocery store, it seems like everyone has something to say:
“You’re still drinking coffee?”
“You’re not going to try for a VBAC?”
“You just need to let the baby cry it out.”
Here’s the thing: Just because someone offers advice doesn’t mean you have to take it. And just because they’re older, louder, or mean well doesn’t mean they get a pass.
Let’s talk about how to protect your peace when people don’t know when to stop talking.
Why People Feel the Need to Speak Up
Most of the time, unsolicited advice isn’t even about you. It’s about them:
They want to feel helpful.
They feel threatened by your choices.
They never processed their own experience, so they project it onto yours.
Understanding that can make it easier to stop internalizing their opinions. This isn’t about your “tone,” your choices, or your worth as a mother. This is about their need to be heard—and it doesn’t make it your job to listen.
You’re Allowed to Set Boundaries
You can be kind and still hold a line. You don’t have to prove anything, justify anything, or educate anyone who’s committed to misunderstanding you.
Here are some direct but respectful responses you can use:
“We’re doing what works best for us.”
“Thanks, but we’re handling it differently.”
“We’ve already made a decision and aren’t looking for advice.”
“I’m not opening that up for discussion.”
If it feels awkward the first time, that’s normal. But with practice, you’ll get more comfortable protecting your space—and you’ll start noticing how many people only engage when they think they can control you.
What If It’s Someone Close to You?
Sometimes it’s harder when it’s a parent, in-law, pastor’s wife, or friend who keeps overstepping. But the same principle applies: you’re still allowed to set boundaries. You don’t owe anyone unlimited access just because they’re “family” or “trying to help.”
If the advice keeps coming, try:
Changing the subject
Creating physical or emotional distance
Looping in your partner or support person to back you up
Saying: “I know you care, but this conversation isn’t helpful right now.”
You Don’t Have to Be the “Nice” One
Let’s be clear: you are not being rude for choosing what’s best for your baby, your birth, your body, or your parenting. You’re being responsible.
It’s okay to make decisions that other people don’t understand.
It’s okay to create distance from people who won’t respect your boundaries.
It’s okay to ignore advice you didn’t ask for.
You don’t need anyone else’s approval to trust yourself.
Here’s What You Do Need
Clear boundaries
A short list of people you actually trust to speak into your life
The freedom to parent and recover in peace
This season is intense enough. Protect your energy.
If you need support while navigating these conversations—or just want someone who won’t give you “shoulds” and “supposed tos”—that’s part of what I offer. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to do this on defense.
Reach out when you're ready. I'm here to help.
LaKisha H.